FireLink

By and large, you're a good bunch. I enjoy providing you with the help you need when you call 911. You make my workdays (and nights) interesting. However, from time to time, I notice a few small issues -- perhaps we can call them gaps in your knowledge? -- that make my job a little bit more frustrating. Herein I offer a few simple pieces of advice to help make everyone's emergency experience more satisfying.



1. When I ask you questions, please strive to tell me the full and complete truth. There's no badge or gun on me. I'm not going to get you in trouble for being high on drugs, but I really would like to know what exactly you did. You're not fooling anyone. Likewise, I don't care who you were having sex with, where, with what exciting accessories, and what your respective spouses will think, but if it's contributed to your condition you should probably bring it up.



2. I regret to inform you life is not like TV. We do not run from the ambulance to the patient, we do not drive everyone to the hospital with lights and sirens, and most dead people stay dead despite our best efforts. On the other hand, we are not just a fancy taxi ride. I can start an IV (in your arm or leg or neck), put a breathing tube down your throat, do an EKG to see if you're having a heart attack, shock your heart if it's in a bad rhythm, and give about thirty different drugs for different medical conditions. I can do more in the short term than most nurses. I had to go to school for years. Respect me and I'll respect you.



3. In a related vein, if you could keep the drama to a bare minimum when your parent/sibling/spouse/friend/neighbor/coworker is hurt or sick, it will help everyone immensely. I understand that the situation is upsetting, and I respect your feelings, but the best thing you can do for the patient, me, and even yourself is try to remain as calm as possible. Shouting at me to do something or hurry up will not help. Yelling in general is not, in fact, helpful. Trying to keep out of our way, answering the questions we ask in a succinct and informative manner, and keeping your dramatic tendencies restrained are the absolute best thing you can do.



4. However, if it is your young child who is badly hurt or critically ill, you are allowed all the drama you want.



5. If I am trying to help you and this makes you upset for some reason, please do not try and hit me. I may not be as big and beefy as some of my coworkers. I make up for it in dirty tricks. If you do decide you'd like to tussle, I'd like to point out that you get ONE swing and it is never free. I have giant zip-ties, sedatives, and a radio that can call a whole lot of cops, who aren't nearly as nice as me.



6. If you are driving and happen to see my big vehicle with all the blinkies and woo-woos, please get the hell out of the way. Specifically, pull ALL THE WAY to the right of the street and STOP YOUR CAR. You don't know where I'm going and when I'll need to turn. Unless you're driving a Hummer I've probably got more weight than you, and if you do something stupid that I can't avoid and we stack it up, things won't come out well for you. Also I'll lose my job.



7. Finally, exercise a modicum of common sense about when to call 911.



Examples of when 911  IS appropriate: Traffic accidents with injuries. Chest pain. Trouble breathing. Lack of breathing. Serious bleeding. Unconsciousness. Seizures. Strokes.



Examples of when 911 may NOT be appropriate: Blisters. Small cuts. Dissatisfaction with your fast food order. Needing a prescription refill. Colds. Minor problem (sore leg, stomach ache) which has been going on for three days.



Bearing all that in mind, it's a pleasure to serve you, and hopefully I won't be showing up at your doorstep, street corner, or car door anytime soon.



Love,

One of Your Many Hardworking (If Underpaid) County Paramedics

I hear ya!

Had to have been from a medic at some level. Funny how working in EMS creates such a caring, but cynical, person.

True that!

I received that in an email a while back, but still...I LOVE IT!!!   Here is one that I saved in my email that I thought would go along with this one well.

EMS Field Guide.........



1. Sick people don’t bitch.

2. If you drop the baby, fake a seizure.

3. The patient’s has the emergency not you.

4. All rhythms will eventually change to one you know how to treat.

5. Pray your partner is not stupid.

6. The more stuff you see on an EMT’s belt, the newer they are.

7. All bleeding will eventually stop.

8. No matter what you do, all people will eventually die.

9. When your unsure what is wrong with the patient remember the ambulance has wheels.

10. It is NOT unprofessional to puke with your patient.

11. You will get caught sleeping.

12. The only time you will have to fart is when your in the elevator with your patient.

13. If someone is pointing a gun at you  - outrun your partner.

14. Never tell dispatch were to go, they will send you there.

15. If it felt good to tell the patient, nurse or supervisor, it was the wrong thing to say and you will pay for it later.

16. Try not to be more drunk then the patient.

17. If the patient looks sick, they are sick.

18. Try not to say “OH  SHIT!!” when approaching a trauma patient.

19. If I must get up, then everybody gets up.

20. Better the other crew;  than you.

21. Always save the patient.... from the fire department.

22. If your scared to enter- send your partner.

23. DON’T WAIT TO PEE.

24. Always give violent patients O 2.........bottle across the head.

25. No matter if you were across the street- you will hear “what took you so long.”

26. If you must hold them down....stop CPR.

27. The stereo must be always be louder then the siren.

28. Paramedics do not save lives, they only postpone the inevitable.

29. YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!

30. If it’s wet and sticky and NOT yours, DONT TOUCH IT.

31. You call, we haul.

32. Most patients are healthier than you.

33. Being in EMS means you celebrate holidays- on duty.

34. When driving your ambulance really fast, remember it was built by the lowest bidder.

35. Never get into an ambulance with someone braver than you.

36. If it’s stupid but works, it’s not stupid.

37. Always know when to get out of dodge, and how.

38. It’s easier to beg for forgiveness than to get permission.

39. Always trust your bad feelings.

40. The man with the gun is always in charge. 

41. If you respond to a wreck after midnight and don’t find a drunk, keep looking, you have missed them.

42. A tourniquet around the neck will cure the patient.

43. The dead never get worse.

44. If it looks like you might get dirty let your partner do it.

45. For every ALS skill you learn you forget a BLS one.

46. Death is a stabilization of the patients condition.

47. Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.

48. “ poke and hope” another term for blind sticking.

49. When it comes to needles it is better to give than to receive.

50. Most of your patients will survive, no matter what you do.

51. Paramedics save lives... EMT's save Paramedics

Ammendments to the EMS field guide

2a. if you drop a baby.....Pick it up.

10a. WITH your patient, not ON your patient.

26a. Stop Compressions after the second Ouch.

Ugh.  That reminds me of a story.  We had a guy who was on an "unresponsive, not breathing"  call.  When he and his partner got there, they found a guy who was masturbating while choking himself.  You've all herd of the auto erotica/asphyxiation stories.  Well this guy went a little too far and actually strangled himself.  They found him naked in bed, with a rope around his neck and ejaculate all over.  This "medic" (I use this term loosely) was not wearing ppe and said, "What is this?" as he was running his fingers through the semen.  His partner, the cops, and the firefighters all about threw up!  The guy wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch.  Needless to say this guy was eventually  fired.

chase1  I LOVE IT!! 

MidniteMedic  & sweetsinnsundae  Good points to add

safireheart1  OMGosh, I am not used to laughing that hard, oh my stomach hurts ROFL I might need a medic, I'll be waking up laughing